Monday, September 29, 2014

My Journey & More of My Autumn Home

Once upon a time I blogged nearly every single day, was on top of my custom order pieces, had major decorating plans and commented on all my fave blogs. Remember that girl? Well. She totally lost her way this summer and got distracted by life, which has been a bit sad and seriously awesome all rolled into one.
 
If you've read Number Fifty-Three for any length of time then you know I'm not big on sharing personal info. I have really nothing against it and love blogs that do. The thing that nobody really knew was that for, like years, I have been pretty miserable and sad. And that made it hard to share.




I was in a relationship, which people from the outside thought was great, but in reality was unhealthy, and toxic and stripped me away of my real personality and my fun and spontaneous nature.


 
And, I'm seriously not placing the blame. We were both majorly at fault here. This summer though, something clicked and I was truly done. And I filed for divorce. And got my old self back. And I am happy. Like truly happy.
 

 
 
I feel free and able to be me. Finally. My boys are in a better place. The stress in our home is nearly gone. And this is coming from a parent of two kids with anxiety disorders. It's remarkable.


 
 
But, there is more to the story. Ready for this? There was this one person who was always the one. Like words cannot describe the connection and bond that we had (and still have). Its insane and wicked and awesome and amazing.


 
Like two plus decades ago, he and I made a massive teenage mistake and broke up. And not one person in this world knew how that killed me. It literally just ended because of distance. He was in the Army, way too far away, and I was still here in Massachusetts in school. And we never spoke once. And we never stopped thinking about each other. And we never stopped loving each other. But, we tried to move on with our lives.

 
 
You guys. I lived two decades not knowing if this guy was alive or dead. Do you know what that feels like?


 
This story has an incredible ending. We reconnected. Every feeling that we ever had was there and magnified by a million. And I finally feel complete and safe and whole again.


 
 
Seriously. Never give up on your dreams...
 
...And as far as the blog and my business, I'm getting myself back in the game and finding my passion again, so stay tuned.

P.S. Did you miss the first part of my Autumn Home Tour? If so you can check it our here along with the entire listing of participants in the Blogger Stylin' Home Tour Series.